Sunday, 28 February 2016

7 Month Challenge: Week 5

WEEK 5: 21 – 28 Feb

The interview
Monday morning started with an interview with Adéle Changuion from Maroela Media. The focus was on helping parents who have children that struggles with Mathematics.

The interview was supposed to be the previous Wednesday at first so I had already typed four pages of stuff I could think of. I was so nervous that I forgot to say many of the important things when she phoned. Luckily I already e-mailed her my Word document.

The end result was amazing. I loved the article. If you want to read it, click on this link:

I admit that I owe much of the Math Lit Shop business that I have to my uncle, Piet Muller. I started off with only one product, the Grade 12 Mathematical Literacy Spring School Book 2014 in August 2014. I used my blog and Facebook page to advertise. I had a few sales…

Then I got a Facebook message from him asking me if he could make me a website that functioned like a shop – for free! We got busy immediately. I already had lots of products handy as I wrote text books for my girls containing notes, examples and exercises on most of the Mathematical Literacy CAPS topics. And so the Math Lit Shop was born in August 2014.

I’ll tell you a bit more about it later in another blogpost. The point I want to get to is that my uncle, who also owns the Afrikaans internet radio station Kalahari Stereo, told Adéle about my shop. She e-mailed me and organised the interview.

So really, if not for my uncle, I wouldn’t have my shop and be able to make and sell all my Maths stuff that makes me so happy. Link to my shop: Math Lit Shop

Kalahari Stereo
This radio station plays older Afrikaans music and “boeremusiek”. After 18:00 they have broadcaster that presents programmes. The radio station has listeners worldwide.

UTI – Urine Tract Infection and Candida
Tuesday afternoon something didn’t feel right. At 17:45 I phoned my husband at work to say that he had to come home immediately – I was in so much pain I could barely walk. As soon as he walked in the door I went to bed. I slept for 3 hours. That was it. I was in so much pain I didn’t know if I must sit, stand or lie down. Enough time haven’t passed for me to drink another Gen-payne so I waited until 04:30. By that time it was so bad I was crying heavily. At 05:00 I drank a Nurofen Period Pain. That numbed me a bit so that I could pack the lunches, feed and dress the kids, drop them off at school and get to the doctor.

When the doctor asked me if I was peeing blood I thought she was joking. But when I peed in the cup – guess what – my pee was totally red! So I got antibiotics and Urispas. I was in pain for the next 2 days but a much lighter pain.

Thursday afternoon I didn’t have any pain so I skipped the Urispas. Big mistake! That night I had incessant pain again and grabbed that super strong Nurofen.

Low and behold – as Dr Kate McLachlan (from the Women’s Clinic) predicted – using antibiotics lead to yeast infection (as I am VERY prone to yeast infections). Luckily I had the foresight to ask dr. van der Berg for a prescription for “the Mercedes of yeast infection drugs”. [That one little pill that works for other people – as good as a Smartie to me.]

Negative thought and feelings. Total tunnel vision.
This week I have felt particularly down. I got my amino acid result back. [Why the amino acid test? ] There were 11 amino acids on the list. For 10 of them it said Low+ or Low++ and the 11th one was high (which was bad in that case) and one of the recommendations was to avoid MSG. [The MSG blogpost is still coming.] Bottom line – everything is whacked!

So, knowing that my amino acids are whacked (and without that any other conditions aren’t likely to improve), having to drink 11 meds per day [Visit to dietitian], living with high anxiety daily and getting UTI on top of that, was JUST TOO MUCH.

It put me right back in that tunnel vision of “I’ll never get better.” “I’ll always be ill.” “There is nothing that can help me.” “No-one can help me.” “No-one understands how I feel.”

I know a tunnel has light at the end. I just don’t know if I will ever get there. I’ve been in that tunnel for almost 3 years now. And it is not as if I haven’t tried. I see my psychiatrist regularly, I saw a psychologist all year last year, I’m seeing a dietitian, I go to the doctor when I need to, I’ve stopped working to take stress off me and I’ve even started doing a little exercise.

I was extremely sad on Saturday. My husband’s boss called about an urgent order (the largest one for the year). They had to get a proposal ready before 16:00 that afternoon or else they would lose the order. So I was left alone (only for a few hours) with the kids. During that time I got three panic attacks. And my panic attacks don’t look like normal ones. They are attacks of screaming and sometimes even swearing. I can’t stop myself. I can’t count to 10. It is instantaneous.

This is actually the worst of all. Nobody wants to be like that. Nobody wants to scream at their kids. I can’t even time-out myself because I am the only one at home and I have to make sure the boys are alright and not hurting themselves or one another. Or when I time-out myself they follow me…

In the past we have tried getting help but my kids refused to be touched or helped by other people – which meant that I paid someone to sit there and do nothing while I try to cope with two very difficult kids (at that stage a baby and a two-year old).

I am so tired of not being okay. I am so tired of not coping.

But I have not given up hope. I have to get better for ME. I have to get better for my two little boys whom I love with all my heart!

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